The no shame zone: frailty, not failure

I don’t know what Bill O’Reilly would think of my “No Shame Zone”. Or as I express it, my coaching principle of “no blame, no shame”, understanding our patterns and investigating with curiosity and compassion.

It shares a declared aspiration with his “No Spin Zone”, that of frank honesty with ourselves and others. As Bill may have noticed, it’s easier said than done. Why?

Shame is the reason that we fear to speak truth and flinch away from looking at the facts. That we choke on the truth, even as we try to speak it, and find ourselves engaging in spin.

The patterns of our thoughts and behaviour are fruitful areas to explore. Interrupting unwanted patterns establishing new ones brings about change. Blame and shame get in the way of that, whether blaming and shaming ourselves or blaming and shaming others.

When we know we are safe and not judged, we can begin to loosen our protective shields, begin to let our reality show through.

3 thoughts on “The no shame zone: frailty, not failure”

  1. Investigating with curiosity and compassion – very wise I think – though I can’t help wondering what evidence you have that no blame, no shame, is a sensible motto

    • Researcher in the psychology of procrastination, Prof Tim Pychyl, claims that blame and shame lead to self-soothing behaviour such as procrastination. More helpful is to ask: What step or steps can I take to improve things?

      Cognitive behavioural therapy takes a similar tack. And my experience with myself and clients is also consistent with this.

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