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The no shame zone: frailty, not failure

I don’t know what Bill O’Reilly would think of my “No Shame Zone”. Or as I express it, my coaching principle of “no blame, no shame”, understanding our patterns and investigating with curiosity and compassion.

It shares a declared aspiration with his “No Spin Zone”, that of frank honesty with ourselves and others. As Bill may have noticed, it’s easier said than done. Why?

Shame is the reason that we fear to speak truth and flinch away from looking at the facts. That we choke on the truth, even as we try to speak it, and find ourselves engaging in spin.

The patterns of our thoughts and behaviour are fruitful areas to explore. Interrupting unwanted patterns establishing new ones brings about change. Blame and shame get in the way of that, whether blaming and shaming ourselves or blaming and shaming others.

When we know we are safe and not judged, we can begin to loosen our protective shields, begin to let our reality show through.

The reason for these notes

Note: This post was made on a separate blog that I kept for a short while, deliberately low profile and marked as “notes”, in order to give myself permission to write. That was helpful and I’m now feeling more comfortable, so I’m merging those posts into Procrastination Paramedic. – Chris Waterguy, 2 Jan 2019. 

For the last several years, I’ve been keeping notes, links, insights, findings from psychological research and perspectives that have helped me and strategies that have supported my goals. What I mostly haven’t done is shared these.

I’m sharing them here, starting now, as an exercise in writing (a goal I’m working on now) as well as to create a public record of what I believe and how I work.  For one thing, when I’m coaching a client in anti-procrastination or anything else, I can more easily point them to a post here rather than digging something out of my private notes.

It’s also a way for a potential client to see who I am and whether they might like to work with me. (If so, contact me for a chat.)

My least urgent goal but perhaps the biggest impact in the long run is in reaching more people that I can through one-on-one coaching alone. I share these notes, perspectives, strategies, in the hope in hopes that they will benefit someone besides myself. If they’ve helped you, please drop me a line or leave a comment.